As the Gundam Watches
by Nataku1
Summary: Screwy Soap Opera. A mix of characters from anime and real life. Includes Zechs, and Heero in the first chapter. Also Tenchi. The rest are of my own creation.


Hello viewers, and welcome to AS THE GUNDAM WATCHES

Hello viewers, and welcome to AS THE GUNDAM WATCHES! For you first time 

viewers, this is show in which I, Tacky announcer, write a show with a mix 

of anime characters, and people from real life at my home school of Julius 

West Middle School! (you lucky people you!) So, sit back, relax, and enjoy!

I happen to be the lovely and intelligent Robyn. Don't worry, I don't make 

my first appearance tll later. TIME FOR THE DISCLAIMERS!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this fanfic. This is for 

my own enjoyment, and I am making no money off of this. Any similarity 

between characters in this fanfiction and real life people is a coincidence 

(unless it's not. In which case you know who you are!)

EPISODE 1

Jake: Neeli, Marry me!! I will make you happy beyond your wildest dreams! 

Besides, you already carry my baby!

Zechs: NO! You said the baby was mine! Marry me!

Neeli: I... I.. I don't know whose baby it is!!!! Please, don't make me 

choose between you! I love you both!!!

Jake: She loves me! leave us! All this trouble started when you came!

Zechs: Maybe that's because she decided you didn't deserve her! She realized 

what she was missing when I came!!!!

Neeli: Stop it both of you!!

Jake: I was here first!

Zechs: I'll fight you for her!!

Jake: you're on, you miserable bastard!!

Neeli: Jake! You don't stand a chance! You don't have a gundam!!

Jake: I'll die happy if it's fighting for you, my love.

Neeli: OH JAKE!

Zechs: I'll kill you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

****************************************

OH THE HUMANITY!!! STAY TUNED NEXT TIME FOR... As the Gundam Watches

EPISODE 2

It's AS THE GUNDAM WATCHES

(ok so they're fighting as Neeli stands by looking worried and being 

useless)

Neeli: Oh! Jake! Zechs! Oh stop it! Stop it!!!!

Jake: (throws punch. Zechs dodges) They'll be nothing left when I'm through 

with you.

Zechs: Ha. (charges. Jake sidesteps. Zechs turns to face him again) Don't 

make me laugh. You won't last much longer you bastard. (as you can probably 

guess by now, they're fighting man to man, which is a relief to Jake!)

Jake: I really don't wanna hurt you. I'd hate to have to tell Relena I 

killed her brother.

Zechs: Then let me save you the trouble. (punches Jake in jaw. Ooh that's 

gotta hurt! Jake stumbles. But returns. Connects!)

Zechs: You're gonna pay for that one.

Jake: Bring it on! (fall to ground wrestling and punching)

Neeli: OH! STOP PLEASE!!!

(suddenly, another tacky actor enters the scene! IT'S ROB AND MEL HERE TO 

TAKE CARE OF THE MESS!!!)

(Without delay, the two grab the guys and knock them unconscious)

Rob: Neeli, will you stop it?! every single time you're interested in a guy, 

it always ends in a fight! I mean, it's only romantic the first coupla 

times!

Mel: I know! And can you please stop?! You're killing off characters faster 

than the dumb writers can tactfully bring them into the show!!!

Rob: How many times has this happened now?

Mel: Oh at least 4 times!

Rob: That's 8 guys they had to kill outta the show, just cause you can't 

stop dressing like a slut! Neeli: (sniffling) It's not my fault they want 

me!

Rob: YES IT IS! (SUDDENLY (my fav word) The guys awake! And go back to 

fighting (the idiots)) Rob: Alright! I give up!

Mel: Me too! Solve this problem on your own!

Neeli: But they're gonna die!!!!!

Rob: Why should we care? (Rob and Mel leave)

(Suddenly!!!!! Zechs wins!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Neeli: Oh Zechs!!! You didn't k-kill him... did you?

Zechs: Uh... No?

Neeli: Good!!!! (starting being reaaaaaaaaaaaaally gross!)

(Stagehands drag Jake off stage)

(Let's follow them offstage shall we! We don't really wanna see what Zechs 

and Neeli r gonna do now)

(shudder)

(Jake is sitting with his head in his hands)

Relena: Jake? Are you ok?

Jake: Oh go away.

Relena: What's the matter?

Jake: I don't want to talk about it.

Relena: Please? (puts arm around Jake's shoulders) I bet I can make you feel 

better!

Jake: (gets interesting look on face) You know what? I bet you can!

(Ohhhhhhhhhh no.)

***********************************

You don't wanna know. We'll tell you the awful truth Next time in WHAT HAVE 

YOU DONE!!! On AS THE GUNDAM WATCHES!!

EPISODE 3

(Jake is topless in a bed next to a naked... Relena (you knew that was 

coming))

Jake: Thanx. You really did make me feel better.

Relena: What was it I cheered you up from?

Jake: Nothing. You don't really need to know. Just that you made me feel 

better.

Relena: (the ditz) ok

Jake: (rolls on top) How bout another go?

***********************************

ugh!!! The things I write! Yuck!!!!!!! Well!!! Doesn't that take the cake! 

Ok. So now we move on to another crisis...

************************************

Zechs: What do you mean you're still not sure if the baby's mine?!?!

Neeli: Well it's not any clearer now just cause you beat up Jake!!! What did 

you expect me to suddenly have a feeling like you had to be the father? Uh, 

no!

Zechs: I want a DNA test.

Neeli: What are you going to do if the baby isn't yours?

Zechs: (Turning away) I may leave you...

Neeli: No!!!!

*************************************

Jumping Jehosephit! No Zechs, No!!!! What's the matter with you? Oh Well. 

We'll come back to this never ending love triangle later. Now to move on to 

something that can bring people back!...

**************************************

Mel: What do you mean, what do I mean? I would think a no is pretty simple!

Tenchi: What? And let the most beautiful girl in the world slip through my 

fingers? Never!! (gives dashing smile to melt the hearts of girl viewers)

Mel: Tenchi, there are some girls you can't get. Don't let Ryoko and Aeka 

inflate that head of yours.

Tenchi: They don't inflate anything. So they worship me and kill any other 

girl I try to have a relationship with. Is that any reason to let me ego get 

bigger?

Mel: I'm not even gonna answer that. Either way, it's the wrong answer.

Tenchi: So! Why won't you go out with me?!

Mel: Tenchi, we've gone over this a thousand times!! I love Heero! We're 

going steady.

Tenchi: So? Why can't you be more like Neeli? She was going steady with Jake 

till Zechs showed up, and she gave Zechs a chance!

Mel: And look at the good it brought. NO! Now.. leave me alone.

(Runs offstage)

Tenchi: Fine then. If you're only excuse is Heero, we'll just have to get 

rid of him...

****************************************

Suffering Succotash!! Someone stop that run away ego! Better luck next time 

on RELINA'S DISCOVERY in AS THE GUNDAM WATCHES!!! EPISODE 4 Time for 

RELINA'S DISCOVERY!!!

****************************************

Relena: (while dressing) That was great! I never knew you felt that way 

about me!! (plops on bed) We should get together to just... Talk!

Jake: (also dressing) Uh, I don't think that'll work.

Relena: Why not?!

Jake: uh... I'm no good at just talking. I'd, uh, probably end up making you 

hate me.

Relena: (smiles) oh that's ok! I'd understand. I wouldn't blame you for 

anything!

Jake: Uh, ok I guess. Later.

****************************************

oh, Jake, Jake, Jake. WHAT IS HELL'S NAME IS WRONG WITH YOU???.....

****************************************

Tenchi: C'mon Mel! One date!

Mel: No! Now leave me alone!

Tenchi: I'm NOT going to take no for an answer!

Mel: WELL THAT'S TOO BAD. (Stalks offstage)

Tenchi: Yeah.. Too bad... For Heero! (Stalks off in opposite direction)

****************************************

Good Gravy! Someone check that guy's emotional stability!!! Well! On to the 

'happy couple'

****************************************

Neeli: Ok, Zechs, I went to the doctor.

Zechs: And?

Neeli: well... I... I

Zechs: Well is the baby mine or isn't it?!

Neeli: Well it's-

Zechs: Yes or no?

Neeli: no.

Zechs: Then I guess... we're through.

(Stalks offstage (what is it with these people and stalking?))

Neeli: No, Zechsy, wait! (starts running after Zechs) You don't 

understand!!!!

*****************************************

Holy cow! Neeli you slut!!!! What is there to understand? We'll figure out 

later...

*****************************************

Jake: Relena, Not now!

Relena: Jakeeeeeeeeeeeeey!!!! Listen to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

(Jake shudders) (Zechs stalks on stage)

Zechs: congratulations Jake. You're gonna be a father. (Keeps going 

offstage)

Relena: What is he talking about Jakey?

Jake: Oh, well, you see...

Neeli: Where's Zechs?!?!

Jake: Wait! I think there's something we need to talk about...

Relena: What?! You slept with my brother's girlfriend and then you slept 

with ME?!

Neeli: Ooooooooooook, I cannot tell you how awkward this is right now. AND 

YOU SLEPT WITH HER?!?!?!

(starts to walk off. Jake grabs her arm)

Jake: Wait! WHAT'S THIS ZECHS SAID ABOUT ME BECOMING A FATHER?!?!

Neeli: What's it to you? Just go on and have another go with that little 

spoiled princess over there...

Relena: slut.

Neeli: Ok now you're going down brat!

Jake: STOP! If I'm gonna have a kid, I want to know!!

Neeli: Well you're not, so go ahead and try again with Relena! Jake: Ok, now 

you're getting annoying...

Neeli: ANNOYING?! No! (Gestures to Relena) THAT'S annoying!!! I'M PISSED 

cause I just found that my boyfriend took five seconds to move from me to my 

other boyfriend's sister!

Jake: Boyfriend? I'm pretty sure I remember when I left you weren't exactly 

practicing abstinence either!!

Neeli: I don't have time for this! (runs off!) ZECHS!!!

(Jake starts to follow)

Relena: Jake, stop. Look me in the eye. Why did you sleep with me?

Jake: well, uh,...

Relena: Give me an honest answer!

Jake: Well, uh, I..

Relena: Dammit Jake, I mean it! (tears is puppy-dog eyes)Don't you hate 

when that happens?

Jake: I...

Relena: You just did it to get back at Neeli, didn't you?

(silence)

Relena: Jake! (whispering) How could you?

(runs off in opposite direction from Neeli)

(Jake stands indecisively. Who to go after?)

Heero is sitting alone in house. (door creaks open)

Heero: Mel? Is that you? (foot steps approaching)

Heero: (sighs) Mel quit it! (door creaks open)

(Heero begins to turn around)

Heero: Mel, I- (Bottle shatters on Heero's head. Heero drops to floor. 

Tenchi walks into light)

Tenchi: Ha. Mel won't have much of a choice without you, will she?

****************************************

(Lord Almighty! Someone get these people a group therapist!!!!!) OK 

PEOPLE!!! WE NEED TO SOLVE THIS FAST!!! GET BACK TO YOU WHEN I'M BACK IN MY 

OWN HOUSE WEDNESDAY NIGHT! THERE IS NO PRIVACY AT MY NANA'S HOUSE!!!!

****************************************

See you next time in (aw, hell, screw the name. I'll figure it out once I 

know what's gonna be in it!!!!) On AS THE GUNDAM WATCHES!!!

EPISODE 5

Well, I told you we'd figure this all out!! So prepare yourselves for BABY'S 

DADDY (he..he..he.........)

****************************************

(Neeli is sitting in middle of stage) (Rob enters)

Rob: Yo, Neeli, what's up?

Neeli: Rob!! Zechs left me cause he thinks I had a baby with someone else 

and I didn't and now he won't listen to me and-

Rob: Wow! Turn down the supersonic. You're starting to sound like Relena... 

Neeli? What's with that weird look in your eye? I DON'T LIKE THAT LOOK!!!

Neeli: Don't... Say... THAT..... name!!!

Rob: You mean Rele- uh, what name? Ok, so what's the problem?

Neeli: Well you see, after you and Mel left after you tried to stop Zechs 

and Jake from fighting...

****************************************

Well, I wouldn't be a good soap writer if I didn't leave you in a little 

suspense! We'll come back to this problem later!!! Let's move on to the 

mentally insane...

****************************************

Tenchi: Hey, Mel... NOW will you go out with me?

Mel: Tenchi, how many times do I have to tell you?! I will not go out with 

you as long as I'm with Heero!

Tenchi: I know.

Mel: So why are you asking me???

Tenchi: It's kinda hard to date a guy in a coma... Don't you agree?

Mel: TENCHI WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?????

Tenchi: Nothing... You just said as long as you were with Heero you wouldn't 

go out with me... So I got rid of him for a short time.

Mel: What is wrong with you?

Tenchi: Nothing... Just go out with me.....

****************************************

Somebody get a white coat for this fella...... OR AEKA AND RYOKO!!! THEY'LL 

GET HIM OUTTA HERE REAL FAST!!!!!! of course, maybe that's why he's like 

this in the first place.....

****************************************

(Zechs is sitting in the middle of the stage)

Rob: Zechs?

Zechs: Rob? Whaddaya want?

Rob: I just wanted to talk to you about... about Neeli.

Zechs: Did she send you to talk for her? Why won't she talk in person?

Rob: Maybe because you won't let her.

Zechs: (blinks) Why should I? So she can try to tell me that it isn't her 

fault and she couldn't help herself and-

Rob: SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME YOU ASSHOLE!!

(Zechs stops in shock)

Rob: FIRST, No matter what Neeli did, I always thought you were patient 

enough that you'd let her explain!!!

Zechs: But-

Rob: DID I SAY I WAS DONE?!?!?! I DIDN'T THINK SO!! SO! SECOND it wasn't 

THAT bad! If you had let her explain you wouldn't have been upset I promise 

you! So! The THIRD thing is, (evil smile) No the baby is not yours-

Zechs: See, that's the pro-

Rob: BUT it's not Jake's either!

Zechs: So... Neeli.... Has someone else??

Rob: NO! SHE'S NOT HAVING A BABY! IT WAS A FALSE ALARM!!! BUT YOU WERE TOO 

BUSY TO LET HER TELL YOU THAT!!!

Zechs: Wow... I really need to go apologize.... (looks up) Thanks Rob.

(Relena runs on stage, sobbing)

Relena: Zechs! You- you- you have to help me!

Zechs: What's the matter? Is it Teddy again?

Relena: No! Worse! (sobsobsob) Jake slept with me!

Zechs: WHAT?! Relena: Just to get back at Neeliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!

Rob: Oh shit.

Zechs: I'll kill him!

Rob: You're making a mistake Zechs! Stop! (Struggles to stop his inevitable 

rampage)

Zechs: Not this time!

****************************************

Relena, you spoiled brat you! DON'T YOU KNOW YOU'RE GONNA GET JAKE KILLED?! 

you do, don't you? you little bitch...

****************************************

Jake: Neeli?

Neeli: What? Oh it's YOU.

Jake: Ok. Please listen to me.

Neeli: Oh, so you finished screwing around and now you want intelligent 

conversation? Sorry if I'm not leaping for attention.

Jake: Ok, I probably deserve that...

Neeli: PROBABLY?!?!

Jake: Ok, I DESERVED that... But please! Listen! You'd want to have a chance 

to explain if you were in my place!

Neeli: Oh, so if me and Relena were fighting over you, and I leapt for Zechs 

after I lost, I'd want a chance to explain? How can you decide what I'd want 

and what I wouldn't want?!

Jake: Please! I just wanted to say, I'm sorry. I was pretty down when you 

choose Zechs over me. I always kinda thought we'd end up together. You know, 

I always thought we'd be close forever. I thought married would be just a 

small step.

Neeli: Oh, Jake-

Jake: And I decided after you left to chase after Zechs that I'd rather lose 

Relena as a lover, than you as a friend. I know we can't be together the way 

I THOUGHT I wanted. But I realized it's better if we just went back to being 

friends.

Neeli: I think I'd like that Jake.

(both smile. Hug)

(Zechs walks on, Relena with smug expression following, Rob tugging on Zechs 

arm)

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh no

(Jake jumps up)

Jake: Zechs!

Zechs: So now you're making moves on Neeli again too? God, Can't you decide 

between my sister or my girl?!

Jake: No, Zechs, it's not like that!

(Zechs slugs Jake)

****************************************

Well! THAT'S a tragic turn of events. We'll figure out if Jake can survive 

next time. And what happened to Tenchi the Terrible? Find out next time on 

THE FINAL VERSE in AS THE GUNDAM WATCHES


End file.
